Codependency is a bit of a trap. We often don't recognize we are in it but we know something feels off. We feel alone, tired or resentful. Working with a therapist can really help tease apart what is going on and teach you ways to set healthy boundaries.
A good description of codependency is “when a person’s self-esteem rises and falls based on the other person’s mood, tone or experience.” But it is actually much more than that. The person is overly involved in the other person’s needs, wants, problems and issues. In reality, some of the nicest people in the world are codependent, and if not watched, all relationships have the potential to become codependent. Codependency takes healthy emotions and corrupts them. For example, empathy is a positive emotion, but in codependency the empathy rises to a level where there is no division between the two people. Generosity is also a beautiful emotion, but in codependency it turns into control and over enmeshment. In addition, the codependent person often feels excessively guilty for having any need that may create discomfort in the other person, even if the need is healthy and necessary for their emotional well-being.
The undoing of this pattern is crucial to finding one's joy and peace. We unpack this as it relates to one's relationships to others as well as to the relationship with oneself.
Codependency can feel confusing and confounding. We are trying to sort out "who am I and who is the other?" Setting and maintaining boundaries and developing self awareness can be just two responses. The reward of doing this work is a clearer sense of one's self in relation to others.
Licensed Clinical Social Worker, Registered Social Worker, BBA, MDiv, MSW, CMAT, CSAT
Depending on others for approval or for a sense of purpose is a very stressful life. It can feel too scary to be alone or to have someone close romantically can feel overwhelming. Despite these extremes you wish for more stability. I have experience helping people discover and build the internal structures so that you are able to be yourself and feel safe with others.
Reach out today to get the care that you deserve.
Jessica Weeks, Liz Bostwick, Nic Cadman, Benjamin Rubinoff, and Barbara Brown come with great experience working with folks on co-dependency and addiction patterns. Feel free to check out all our therapists to see who's the best fit for you. We can all work with you around stepping out of codependent patterns. Contact our Intake Worker to help determine who will be the best fit for you.
Codependency can be described as a relationship pattern where one person is overly reliant on another person for their emotional needs, and the other person is overly focused on meeting the needs of the first person to the detriment of their own needs. This often results in an imbalanced power dynamic where the codependent person feels a sense of responsibility for the well-being of the other person, and may even enable or perpetuate their unhealthy behaviors.
Individuals who struggle with codependency, can it manifest in a variety of ways, such as difficulty setting boundaries, feeling guilty for asserting their own needs, and struggling with low self-esteem. It's important for individuals struggling with codependency to recognize that their own needs and desires are just as valid as those of the people they care about and to learn healthy ways of expressing their needs and setting boundaries. Therapy can be a helpful tool in breaking the cycle of codependency and learning to cultivate more balanced, fulfilling relationships.
For individuals who struggle with codependency, our existence is based on getting other peoples approval and and caring a lot about what other people think to the point you may abandon your needs constantly to please others in relationships. This may feel natural, like you are giving, helping and saving but this doesn't come without expectation. Codependent behaviour when not met with what we want back, may breed a lot of resentment, anger and disappointment. Feeling drained, leaking our power and stressing because of what others think can be a consequence. We work together to heal the part of you that keeps leaving yourself, we learn to deeply meet our own emotional needs so we can have the courage to build some healthy boundaries in our relationships. We learn to say no when we are afraid to and trusting that it's okay to not meet other people's needs based on their emotional reactions. We learn to not get controlled by others upset emotions and anger. We learn to honour what we need for ourselves.
Our codependency therapy helps individuals break the cycle of unhealthy relationship patterns and develop healthier, more balanced interactions. We provide psychoeducation, boundary-setting techniques, and self-esteem building exercises to foster independence and emotional well-being. Our goal is to empower individuals to create fulfilling relationships based on mutual respect and support.
Working with adults who are in relationships often means addressing the codependency between partners. Together with clients I look at family history, relationship history and how clients interact in other relationships. Together we can also work on the self - including building self-esteem and independence in order to break the co-dependence cycle.
Struggling with codependency can be overwhelming, but you don't have to face it alone. We offer a compassionate and supportive environment where you can explore the roots of codependent behaviors and learn healthier ways to navigate relationships. Whether you're feeling trapped in patterns of enabling or struggling to establish boundaries, we are here to guide you towards greater self-awareness and autonomy. Take the first step towards healing today.