Anger Management

You must learn to identify what situations trigger you to become angry. You do this by listening to your body and becoming attuned to your natural reactions. You are paying attention if you notice a pattern and if you have specific triggers. Can you identify where the anger begins in your body? Is anger a way to deal with embarrassment, hurt, or shame? Talk to someone you trust or an anger management specialist that can help you collect your thoughts to better deal with the difficulties in life. If you don’t know why you are angry, what is triggering you, or if you find yourself blaming everyone else for your emotions, it’s challenging to learn how to cope better when anger kicks in.

Notice when you start to get angry: do you get a knot in your stomach, a headache, or tense shoulders? Slowing down and implementing ways to relax, like deep breathing and peaceful imagery, can help slow down some of the physical symptoms of anger. It’s helpful to practice slowing down when you are not feeling upset. Meditating is one way to learn to slow down and relax your mind. Learning to slow down and talk yourself down before and during the heat of the moment is helpful.

Our way of thinking about a situation can intensify or reduce our anger. When you start getting upset about something, take a moment to check in with your way of thinking. Ask yourself, “Is getting upset going to fix anything?” Or, “Is this worth ruining my day?” Bring a more rational and objective perspective of looking at the situation. If someone cuts you off in traffic, instead of thinking, “They meant to cut me off; they saw me,” replace that thinking with, “They probably are in a rush and didn’t see me.”

Sometimes our anger and frustration are created by something in our past or a situation going wrong in our lives. Dig a little deeper if you notice yourself getting angry about the small stuff. Ask yourself, “What is so wrong in my life that I feel so angry, and what do I need to do to change the situation?” “Is something that happened in my past triggering how I currently feel?” By digging deeper into your angry feelings, you may discover a root cause for the anger. Secondary emotions may be a sign that you need to work on something deeper that is bothering you and can be used as motivation for positive change and personal growth. However, it is important to recognize situations you can’t control or change. You may need to work on changing your perspective of the situation in those situations.

Have you ever gotten angry about something, and a few months later, you laughed about it? What made it funny just a few months later? Your more objective perspective of it! When it comes to managing our anger, the ability to find humor in a situation is a priceless asset and an effective coping strategy.

When used to address a frustrating situation, humor can help you achieve a more balanced perspective. With the proper insight into the everyday frustrations of life, we can sometimes laugh about the craziness of it all. However, humor should not be used to mask anger or a way to act overly sarcastic because then it becomes another unhealthy expression of anger.

If your anger seems to be building, remove yourself from the situation for a few minutes and do something else – take a walk, listen to some relaxing music, or meditate. Your chances of productively resolving the problem greatly increase when you approach it with a clear and rational mind. Taking a well timed break can be an excellent coping strategy and result in your ability choose a healthier expression of anger.

While you can’t control most things in life, you can take steps to avoid unnecessary stress. Look at your daily schedule and identify activities, times of day, people, places, or situations that are a source of frustration and anger. Then make some changes. Find an alternate route to work; shut the door to your child’s messy room; set up a time when you’re not too tired and hungry to talk about important matters with your spouse; and, most of all, make sure you have some time to yourself daily. 

Anger in the short term produces at least one perceived benefit. We are receiving attention, getting our way, perceived respect, feeling powerful, and releasing tension. Most of the time, we don’t continue unhealthy behaviors unless they benefit us somehow. It’s important to realize that even though we gain something from getting angry, expressing anger isn’t helping us in the long run. Therefore, by letting go of those short-term benefits and keeping our eyes on the bigger picture, we can live a more balanced life with happier relationships. Keeping your loved ones in mind when you feel overwhelmed with anger may help you choose health ways of expressing your feelings.