Low Self-Esteem: That Must Be Because I’m Worthless, Right
Ever feel worthless? Most people do. But if you feel like that all or most of the time something’s wrong.
Self-esteem is not a “thing,” it’s how you feel about yourself. It’s a feeling, a state of mind. Self-esteem is a judgment you make about yourself, and if you suffer from low self-esteem, you judge yourself to be inferior. You’re just not good enough.
Low self-esteem can be changed. Often, the ideal self you envision is unrealistic, and that’s where you’d have to start. Assess whether a perfect version of yourself is realistic, or even possible.
If your thoughts about yourself have been around for a while, they’ve become a habit and spiral into thinking of yourself as “a failure.” Worthless. You become hypersensitive. You see and hear it when it isn’t there, and beat yourself up.
- Start with self-compassion. Lose the constant negative self-evaluation. It’s unrealistic to think it’ll change overnight. And you don’t want to turn into one of those obnoxious know-it-alls who think everything they do is worthy of a Nobel prize.
- Stop comparing yourself to other people. Start thinking about what you’re truly worth. Imagine yourself the person you want to be, and respect that person.
- Set some modest, realistic goals to boost your confidence.
- Volunteer for something. It will help you feel worthy.
- Make a list of things you know about yourself that add to your worth (I’m a great organizer; I can help people paint a room; I make a mean vegetarian lasagna; I make people laugh, etc.).
- Spend time with people who have a positive attitude and appreciate your good attributes.
- If someone says something unpleasant about you remember that just because they say it doesn’t make it true.
- Give yourself a break. Stop being so hard on yourself. Life’s too short to dwell on negativity.
- If you know yourself to be a people-pleaser, learn to start saying no. People take advantage of you because you let them. It’s ok to put yourself first. Remember what they say on an airplane about the oxygen mask… You can’t help someone else if you haven’t taken care of yourself first.
If nothing works, and you are still mired in feelings of low self-worth, consider talking to an experienced professional. It can help relieve some of the distress you’re feeling about your place in life.