Recently, Dr. Gayle MacBride was asked just that. Here’s her response:
When I am lonely I try to identify what might be causing that feeling. I’m an ambivert and need a good balance of social contact and alone time. If I realize that I need some social time, then I think about which friend might be able to help me fill that need. I might call a close friend for deep conversation, or seek out a friend who is available to sit on the porch or around a bonfire for some camaraderie. I also make plans in advance with friends, we have a standing dinner night. This latter strategy helps if I’m feeling lonely and can help myself by just looking forward to something enjoyable.
Other times I have felt lonely, even when I’m with people. This kind of loneliness has to do with me feeling excluded or even worse, like I’m not enough/don’t belong. This kind of lonely is really hard because this is when personal worth can get a little shaky. The only solution here is to really listen to myself and get myself straight. That means I need to focus on accurate self-talk and not negative comparisons with the others around me. Sometimes I just need to remind myself that it’s ok if I don’t fit into every group or always have something interesting to contribute to the conversation. It can be enough to listen and ask questions. This self-talk reminds me to really let others shine.
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