10 REAL ways heal in a healthy and wholesome way after a difficult Break-Up without becoming bitter, broken and scarred for the rest of your life.

 

 

 

There are a dozen and one reasons why people mutually agree to go their separate ways from medical reasons to relocation and to even different life paths.

 

Everytime you want to feel emotional about the situation you should just remember to keep the WHY in front of you to keep you objective through the pain.

 

What is the WHY of your break up?

Have it outlined, have it written, have it voiced, whatever you need to do to remember why it is more beneficial to break up than to be together, have it really SPELT OUT.

 

When you don’t have it clarified and clearly articulated, it makes you keep thinking of “going back” which in the short run may seem “easier” on your emotions but in the long run will hurt you even harder.

 

After reading this article, swing into action on Clarifying Your “Break-Up WHY”.

 

 

 

I was saying to a client recently on the importance of adding “Therapy” into your Self-Care routine.

In recent times, medical care, diets, fitness and looks have increasingly made it into the “Self Care” list except for Therapy for some people, hopefully that “some people” isn’t you. 🙂

 

But the gist of this particular point is to invest in Therapy in your healing process and journey.

 

One of the things I have had clients increasingly share with me when they finally make it into therapy (for those who were delaying) was that they got tired about talking about their issues to all the wrong people.

 

People who genuinely loved them, but either couldn’t see things objectively or couldn’t give them the necessary solutions to their pain, even though they truly cared for them.

 

I, particularly as therapist acknowledge the importance of having support systems who you can vent to and share with at different seasons in your life.

I continue to led communities where this happens, so I am absolutely up for this kind of arrangement, however there comes a kind of pain and relief that you need to move into your NEXT that will truly only happen when you sit in session with a trained and seasoned therapist.

 

So rather than spend so much time delaying and dragging your healing through entertainment, food and even parties to “help you forget your hurts” why don’t you go straight into the heart of the matter and actually get healing for that matter of the heart?

 

 

 

You can’t be saying one thing with your mouth and another thing via your actions.

You have got to make sure that there is allignment with your thoughts, words and actions and that’s even why therapy is important to help you grow steady in your alignment with these 3 things.

 

There are diverse ways to make this happen,

Speaking with your therapist would help you on taking actions on which one is important for your current situation depending on your current level of hurts.

 

Whether you are choosing to delete their number, unfollow or even restrict access to help you not get access easily, the deep work of understanding THE WHY is one of the most important healing anchor you can use to do deep healing and deep cleansing.

 

It is important to not be all about the boundaries and restrictions without the actual deep work and healing happening from within.

 

Infact the deep cleansing and healing should power the kind of boundaries you what to place around you, in love and protection of where you headed rather than from a place of anger and frustration.

 

Because at the end of the day, the breakup should be leading you to greater things and not keeping you in a constant cycle of regret.

 

 

 

 

One of the reasons why breaking up is so hard for most people and understand ably so is because they just don’t see a future outside of this person.

 

This is usually one of the TOP reasons of relapsing and “managing” through a toxic situation.

 

From the outside, onlookers may think that a person in this situation have lost their mind but as a therapist that have gotten to see things from the inside many times, it is often not the case. 

This person is in their right mind, but they just can’t see a future “Outside of that person” no matter how hard they try.

It is one of the reasons why people don’t progress much through break-ups outside of professional help.

 

So,

Rather than struggling through this, lean into working with a professional therapist to help you rebuild, recreate and redefine your New and NEXT outside of this person.

Depending on the number of years spent with this person, it may not be so easy to do, but it is a VERY Possible thing to do and it is work I have done with different clients for 10 years.

 

 

 

You have had a life, habit and system with this person for weeks, months, years and maybe even decades.

If you are going to function optimally as a sane person after this break up, you need to create new habits, systems and structures that will help you live a life powered by the NEW that has been created according to number 4.

 

If you used to wake up to conversations with this person first thing in the morning, you have got to replace that with a new habit that is serving where you are headed now, which is forward not backwards.

 

The replacement of the new habits and structures is based on where you and your therapist have laid out that you are headed.

 

You can’t just throw up and throw in a bunch of random new habits and expect to just forget all about the person in minutes, without a STRONG WHY, you are going to relapse or just become embittered and remember the GOAL is Whole Healing without personal bitterness, the goal is not just about “forgetting about the person” but healing wholesomely beyond this person.

 

Create New Habits, Systems and Structures powered by Your New Vision and LIFE outside of this person.

 

 

 

 

You may have grown up with the thinking and mentality that grieving is just for “dead” but grieving is really for anything that is no longer going to be a part of our life, even though you would really love it and want to do everything humanly possible to keep that person, situation, etc.

You can grieve moving houses, you can grieve moving countries, you can grieve losing a relationship (even non romantic relationships, friendships too) you can grieve moving jobs, missing your colleagues, etc.

You can grieve anything that has been a valuable part of your life that you will truly miss moving forward.

 

So allow yourself GRIEVE!

Cry, Wail, Be Sad, Pack things up, start re-orientating yourself on how you are going to move on without this person, do the things that those who are grieving will do.

 

Because if you want to be honest,

Even though this person is alive, this person will no longer be “living in your reality” so the earlier you communicate that message, prepare for it and start walking in that reality, the better and faster you can heal.

 

 

 

Break Up can be so hard, sometimes people lose themselves in the process of break up.

 

They forget about their identity, their strengths, their gifts, their talents, their diamonds, their sparkles and keep thinking of how to win this person “back” or make this person appreciate them.

 

I know you and your partner once amplified each other’s value and affirmed each other and this made you feel very special, but you have got to remember that the reason why your partner even started out with you in the first place was because you have REAL Value and Worth you are still so beautiful to do life with.

 

So,

Take the measuring scale and limitations off of your partner, your partner is not the metrics of your value and worth and start seeing yourself the way God, your creator sees you rather than seeing yourself from only the view of your partner.

 

You are hurting deeply, because you have limited your worth and value to ONLY how your EX perceives you and affirms you.

 

Stop that!

 

Remind yourself that they saw what they saw in you in the first place, because it had always existed.

 

So,

Put your head up high and walk with that boldness of sharing the gifts of your presence and essence with millions of other people in the world, who truly appreciate your new and next level.

 

 

 

You may not be a therapist, but you certainly have a gift that is beautifully brewing on the inside of you, ready to solve someone else’s problems in the world according to your field.

 

One of the capsules of healing on the journey of life is to look beyond you and find others that you can serve and minister to, helping them to get restored and whole through their own difficult journey.

 

So whether you are doing it on a personal level or you are collaborating with your Religious Community or friends, find a way to make someone else smile and heal and that will help on the journey to your healing.

 

 

 

One of the things that can help you also move on objectively is to also write out what you have learnt and things you are grateful for through your time with your ex, picking out dos and don’ts as you go on into your next level.

 

Taking stock and taking account is one powerful way to not become a victim of the same mistakes or build a pattern of always ending up in the same kind of relationships that is leading you no where.

 

It is possible for your next relationship to be your last relationship leading up until marriage.

You don’t need to be with 65 more people before you find Mr or Mrs “Right”.

But that won’t happen if you don’t take stock.

 

Now you have learnt this, now go and practice it.

 

 

 

 

I know you will love again.

And another thing I know is that, you don’t even want to hear it right now, because you are currently not “feeling like it”.

 

But you will, if you choose and allow yourself to.

 

One thing I really want to encourage you to do is to go through the process of number 1 – 9 have shared with you before getting into another relationship.

 

Don’t make another Human trying to thrive through their life a scapegoat for your feelings and unresolved trauma.

 

Be open to loving again, but do that seeing this person from a new perspective applying all the lessons you have learnt without being bitter and broken.

 

And who else to help you live out all this reality if not a Therapist like me?

😊

 

If you enjoyed this article,

You definitely will enjoy spending time in session with the Writer who is a Seasoned Therapist to Top Leaders and Thought Leaders like you and is happy, able and willing to help you go through this break-up.

 

 

The Question is…

Are you ready to go on this journey?

 

 

 

You will Heal and Smile again,

I mean it.

 

Thank you for Reading!

And Yes,

 

www.sagenel.com