The Surgeon General’s Office for the United States has issued a statement that loneliness is an epidemic in America. They note it started prior to the pandemic and that it significantly increased during the pandemic. I see many teenagers who report feeling bored, anxious, depressed and lonely. While many of us attempt to return to “normal” life and teenagers are returning to school, many of us are still feeling bored and isolated. The Surgeon General’s office found many adults and teenagers are still spending a great deal of time at home watching television, using laptops and texting. Many teens tell me they communicate and interact with friends by texting or online gaming. However, you are still by yourself in your room for hours and days at a time. If you are sitting there by yourself hour after hour it’s no surprise that you are going to feel lonely and bored.
Most teenagers that I treat for psychotherapy are complaining that life is boring. The tell me that the main way they maintain contact with their friends is via texting or by communicating through online games. In addition they are spending a lot of time on YouTube, nextflix, and social media. Most teenagers have grown up with technology and social media so they do not really think about what they are doing on social media. As I said, they have grown up with social media and so have their friends so social media and texting seem harmless to them. They fail to realize how much time they are spending alone and how spending most of your time alone in your room can lead to boredom and loneliness
Additionally, the internet is not as harmless as they assume. Due to texting and social media, kids can be teased 24/7 and some become so overwhelmed by the constant bullying and teasing that some victims of bullying and teasing commit suicide. Some teenagers who have been involved in such bullying or teasing and a teenager dies from suicide have been arrested and charged by the police. Many teenagers and parents are shocked to hear this fact, but it is the truth. Furthermore, in my opinion one reason for this harassment via social media and texting is that teenagers are so bored and lonely and they don’t stop to think about what they are doing to someone. Remember the frontal lobes for teenagers do not fully develop until teens are 25 years old. This part of the brain is responsible for reasoning, judgment, and complex problem solving. This is why teenagers pay a higher rate on car insurance until the age 25. Insurance companies know they don’t have the ability to make responsible judgments yet.
The issues with the internet are not limited to bullying. Sexual activity has become a major issue for teenagers and the internet. Many teenagers assume sexting or sending nude photos of themselves as normal teenage activity. However, the teenagers are under 18 years old. Therefore, sending or having nude photos of your girlfriend or boyfriend is violating child pornography laws because they are under 18 years old. Some states and cities are taking this very seriously. A teenager can be arrested, sent to jail and have to register for life as a sex offender for life if they are caught sending or having nude photos of their girlfriend or boyfriend. Because of the pandemic sexting has become more popular with teenagers and many teenagers are putting themselves at risk without knowing it. The trend increased during the pandemic but it continues to increase now that teenagers are sitting at home feeling bored and lonely.
When I tell parents about these changes many are shocked and concerned. However, many assume they do not have to worry about it because nothing like that would happen to their family. However, the statistics show by the age of 15 years old most boys have started to look at pornography. Additionally, teenagers are becoming sexually active in middle school. This is why many middle schools are handing out Condoms to their students. Therefore, while parents think they do not have to worry about their teen being sexually active or sexting because of the internet and social media children are becoming sexually active at an earlier age (CDC). Therefore, parents do have to worry about their teen becoming sexually active or sexting.
I understand that this is shocking and difficult for some parents to believe. Lisa Ling did an excellent show about boys becoming addicted to pornography. She also did another excellent show about the “age of consent” regarding teenagers, sexting and sexual activity. It contains interviews with families who had their worlds torn apart because their teenage son texted a nude picture of himself to a girl. Their son was arrested, sentenced to jail and has to register as a sex offender and he was only 15 years old. I have included the link to the show. I think it will be more effective to see and hear the facts that have unfortunately found themselves in situations they never thought possible. The program is on 40 minutes. If you have teenagers, please watch this episode because laws regarding sexual behavior are changing significantly. In California, the Governor just signed a new law making it a crime for someone to open a condom wrapper unless they have the other persons complete consent. This may be very confusing for teenagers. Since the laws are changing fast, please watch this video and discuss it with your teenager. Here is the link to Age of Consent https://youtu.be/QkCyJAlhCO4.
Finally, the Surgeon General’s Office stated there is an epidemic of loneliness in the United States. The epidemic applies to teenagers and adults. This makes it difficult for parents to identify the symptoms in their teenagers when they are dealing with the same feelings. Try keeping a log of how often you watch television, play games online or do something social with a person directly. In other words, how often a real live person is present. Also try keeping a log regarding how often you and your family actually do something together. You might be surprised how little time you are spending with others. Look at the difficulties employers are having getting employees to return to the office. They are referring to San Francisco as a ghost town. Try setting up activities for you and your family and for your children. If you are finding it very difficult or one of your teenagers is looking extremely lonely then seek the assistance of a psychotherapist. Please do not be ashamed or embarrassed if you are experiencing these difficulties. Loneliness has been declared an epidemic so there are more people dealing with this issue than you know.
Dr. Michael Rubino is a psychotherapist with over 25 years experience treating children, teenagers and trauma victims including first responders. For more information about his work visit his website at www.RubinoCounseling.com or his Facebook page www.Facebook.com/Drrubino3 or his podcasts on Spotify or Apple.