As a psychologist, I’ve often heard questions from patients about how to become stronger or more resilient. When clients come into therapy, they are often struggling with something in their lives, and their main goal is to “fix” the situation and emerge with a stronger mindset and better skills for handling similar challenges in the future.
The question of strength and resilience is an interesting one—we all want to be stronger people. However, resilience isn’t a one-size-fits-all trait. Some of us may excel in one area of resilience but struggle in another. For example, someone might navigate difficult situations at work with grace and confidence but feel overwhelmed by interpersonal conflict.
The good news is that resilience is a skill that can be developed. Here are three key strategies to help build emotional strength, with practical examples of how you can apply them to life’s challenges.
Reframing Negative Thoughts: Turning Obstacles Into Opportunities
Imagine you’ve been passed over for a promotion at work that you felt certain you would get. It’s natural to feel disheartened, even defeated, and the initial reaction might be to think, “I’m not good enough” or “I’ll never move forward.”
Reframing those thoughts can help shift your perspective. Instead of viewing the situation as a failure, try to see it as an opportunity to grow. Ask yourself:
- What can I learn from this experience?
- Are there skills I can strengthen to better position myself for the next opportunity?
- What doors might this setback open for me in the future?
This skill comes from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), a type of therapy geared toward changing the way we think, with the overall goal of improving both our emotional well-being and our lives. Reframing thoughts is one of the cornerstones of this type of therapy—and with good reason. If we can master a way of thinking that lessens emotional pain, then we can improve nearly every aspect of our lives.
By focusing on what you can control and the lessons you can take away, you reframe the experience from a defeat into a stepping stone. Reframing doesn’t erase the disappointment, but it empowers you to approach the next challenge with a clearer mindset and renewed determination.
Building a Support System: Strength in Connection
Think about a time when you faced a major life transition—such as starting a new job, moving to a new city, or navigating a relationship challenge. The temptation might have been to keep everything to yourself, thinking, “I don’t want to burden anyone” or “I should handle this on my own.”
The reality is that reaching out to others can make all the difference. A trusted friend, family member, or colleague can provide perspective, encouragement, or simply a listening ear. For instance, if you’re feeling overwhelmed by a conflict at work, talking it through with someone you trust might help you see solutions you hadn’t considered.
When we’re encountering a problem or feeling a strong emotion, talking about it often diffuses the intensity of what we’re experiencing. This benefit of “talking things out” is part of what makes therapy so effective. If you think of a problem—like carrying heavy bricks—as a shared burden, something you can do with someone else, it feels less daunting. You’re not alone in the struggle, and that sense of connection can make you feel more capable when the time comes to take on the challenge.
Building a support system doesn’t mean you’re weak—it means you recognize the value of shared strength. Resilience grows when we allow ourselves to lean on others during tough times.
Embracing Change: Adapting to the Unknown
Change is one of the most common sources of stress. Consider the experience of losing a job or facing a major shift in your personal life. The uncertainty of “What happens next?” can feel overwhelming and paralyzing.
Our natural human reaction is to resist change. For many of us, change is difficult, and it makes sense that the anxiety that comes with it motivates us to avoid it. However, if you think about your life and the moments when you’ve truly grown—whether in perspective, strength, or wisdom—I can almost guarantee that a change triggered that growth. Change is not the enemy, but it is undeniably uncomfortable, and the anxiety that accompanies it often intensifies when we try to resist or avoid it.
Instead of fearing change, try to accept it as a part of life and focus on what you can do to make it at least bearable. Ask yourself:
- What possibilities could this change bring?
- What is one small step I can take to adapt?
- How have I successfully handled change before?
For example, losing a job might initially feel devastating, but it can also be a chance to explore new career paths, learn skills you’ve always wanted to develop, or pivot toward a long-held passion.
When we accept change rather than resist it, we can start to see it as an opportunity for growth instead of a threat. It won’t eliminate discomfort entirely, but it allows us to move forward with greater clarity and purpose.
Final Thoughts
Becoming resilient is a lifelong journey—one that evolves with each challenge we face. Resilience isn’t about achieving an unshakable state of strength overnight; it’s about building it incrementally, one experience at a time. Each small increment in resilience makes the next obstacle a little easier to handle.
The next time a challenge arises, whether it’s a small inconvenience or a major life crisis, remind yourself of the difficulties you’ve overcome before. Think about the strength you exhibited in those moments—the patience, courage, and problem-solving skills you relied on to get through them. You’ve built those strength muscles before, and they’re there for you to use again.
Instead of thinking, “Here we go again,” try shifting your mindset. Welcome the challenge, even if it feels unsurmountable at first, and start the conversation with yourself with an attitude of “Bring it on.”
Dr. Yanet Vanegas is a licensed psychologist specializing in helping individuals build resilience and navigate life’s challenges with confidence. Learn more about her approach at www.asecurebase.net.