Hello all,
Masking is a behaviour used by Neurodivergent people to hide ‘the symptoms’. I find that my clients with ADHD frequently mask their symptoms to avoid embarrassment, screwing up or failing. Masking works so well because it helps make positive first impressions with others and helps to keep them safe. Neurodivergent people tend to make multiple masks for different situations and people which can be an exhausting process. Mostly, masking is used to not repeat the past failures or underachievements and is a survival strategy.
The double edged sword of masking is really that it comes at great consequence to the ‘masker’. Individuals have to make considerable efforts to maintain their mask draining a significant amount of cognitive energy. Maintaining the mask is an anxious process and creates an uncertainty that the mask will be uncovered at any given time. Masking is exhausting and can cause burnout because the effort that is required to maintain the mask is usually above the capabilities needed.
It also affects the sense of self for an individual and their connection to others. Often clients have difficulty knowing ‘the real me’ which is mainly due to upholding too many masks at once. People also mask at home with their families and loved ones which can put significant pressure on their quality of life.
Clinically, I see many clients with this issue and is extremely common. It is good to understand our level of masking and catching ourselves in the process. We usually feel that we always have something to prove or have to ‘wow’ everyone, when in reality you are most likely good enough as you are. We tend to downplay the positives, magnify the negatives & underestimate how positively we are perceived by others.
This blog prompts you to explore the notion of masking. The chances are that you are doing better than you think.
Nicholas Jarrett
(ADHD Coach, Counsellor & Psychotherapist)