The term “narcissist” gets thrown around a lot in bad relationships and on social media. But what makes a person a narcissist? How do we deal with it?
At Hear to Heal I can provide you with insight, resources and how to manage a narcissist. Is there something that is driving you towards a narcissistic partner? It might be that you are driven by repeating patterns from your past, or that you are meeting some need.
Narcissism is characteristic in someone with a fragile sense of self. They can be overly self-involved, have an inflated sense of their abilities, where they hide profound vulnerability and shame. Their sense of self is fueled by praise and compliments and threatened by criticism and negative feedback. Giving honest feedback to them can trigger extreme anger where they can become hostile.
Survivors of narcissistic relationships lose a sense of self and can exhibit characteristics such as attention, praise, admiration, manipulation with intimacy, being dependent, and self-doubt. When the victim of narcissistic abuse considers changing the situation, fears start to bubble up inside them, when you pour vinegar over baking soda. Maybe you’ve experienced these fears too…
Ever wondered:
“If I say no, would he or she get upset”?
“If I voiced an opinion that they disagree on, would I be rejected or disliked?”
“Would they think I don’t care about them If I don’t submit to them, their needs, and what they wanted from me?”
This is why people-pleasers can be drawn to abusive relationships, and repelled from relationships that are abundantly loving. Notice signs such as if a person reacts.
aggressively when you start to set a boundary, that should be a red flag.
How do I stop attracting Narcissists?
- Set firm boundaries – Yes, set emotional boundaries. Naturally your instincts is to help and care, however this can lead to your loving heart taken advantage of. Make sure you know what it is that you need in your relationship. Find out what’s not acceptable for you and what your red flags are. Commit to your boundaries and start honouring your self-worth.
- Increase your self-esteem/confidence – Develop self-love and confidence. This is a lifelong journey that you must continue to practice. Once you feel confident with what you think you deserve in a partner, then you will be able to set boundaries and be able to comprehend when someone disrespects you.
- Seek professional help – Meet with a professional trauma trained psychotherapist to work on your self-confidence, self-awareness, and maintain a healthy relationship in your life.
If any of the information above pertains to you or someone you know, please reach out to me. I will provide a safe space for any trauma therapy.
Nave Nijjar
Registered Psychotherapist