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Who Are You Really? A Guide to Finding Your True Self

Carrie Jones, LPC

Have you ever wondered, “Who am I, really?” It’s a big question, and it can feel kind of overwhelming. But figuring out who you are deep down can make life more meaningful and help you feel more confident in making choices that feel right for you.

Here’s a guide to help you start exploring and discovering who you really are:

1. Accept Yourself—Flaws and All

One of the first steps to understanding yourself is accepting yourself as you are, right now. It’s easy to focus on things you don’t like about yourself, but nobody is perfect, and that’s okay. Self-acceptance is about learning to be kind to yourself and recognizing that all parts of you matter, even the ones you’re not thrilled with.

**Ask Yourself:** *What do I like about myself? What do I find hard to accept?*

2. Question Outside Expectations

We often feel pressure to be a certain way because of family, friends, or society. But to know who you really are, you’ll need to learn to separate what *you* want from what others expect. Think about the things you do because you genuinely enjoy them versus things you do because you feel you “should.”

**Try This:** *Think of a decision you’ve made recently. Was it truly for you, or because someone else expected it?

3. Identify What Matters to You

Values are like your life’s “guiding lights.” They help you make choices and figure out what really matters. Your values can be anything from honesty to kindness to creativity—whatever feels most meaningful to you.

**Action Step:** *Make a list of things that make you feel happy or proud. What do they have in common? Those might be your values.*

4. Trust Your Gut Feelings

Your intuition, or gut feeling, is like an inner voice that helps you know what feels right or wrong. It’s often quieter than thoughts or opinions, but listening to it can help you make choices that feel true to who you are. Try spending a few quiet minutes each day paying attention to any feelings that pop up.

**Try This:** *When you’re faced with a decision, pause and ask yourself, “Does this feel right?”*

5. Embrace Change

Knowing yourself isn’t about finding a fixed answer—people grow and change over time, and that’s a good thing. Your interests, opinions, and goals may shift as you get older. Embrace these changes as part of your journey; they’re helping you become the best version of you.

**Mindset Shift:** *Instead of saying, “I have to figure out who I am,” try thinking, “I’m on a journey to understand myself better.”*

6. Don’t Be Afraid to Ask for Help

Self-discovery isn’t something you have to do alone. Talking to someone you trust—whether a friend, family member, or counselor—can give you new perspectives on yourself. Explore your thoughts, feelings, and values in a safe space.

Final Thought: Keep Going

Learning who you are takes time, so don’t feel rushed. Stay curious about yourself and keep exploring what makes you unique. When you take the time to understand yourself, life can feel more like *your* life and less like one shaped by others. Remember, this journey is all about discovering the person you’re meant to be—and that’s something worth taking your time for.