The Census at Bethlehem, Painting by Pieter Bruegel the Elder, 1566
For many, the holidays can trigger painful memories from childhood or earlier life experiences. People who associate this time of year with chaos, neglect, or even trauma—like an alcoholic parent or unmet childhood hopes—may find themselves caught in a cycle of anger, sadness, or frustration. These feelings aren’t just about the present but are rooted in the past, a pattern psychodynamic theory calls “repetition compulsion,” where we unconsciously revisit old wounds in search of resolution. The holidays, with all their emphasis on joy and abundance, can amplify those unmet needs, leaving some feeling alienated or empty.
Loss and grief also cast a heavy shadow over the holidays for many people. When the season coincides with the anniversary of a loved one’s death, the festivities can feel like a painful reminder of what’s missing. Psychodynamically, anniversaries have a way of reactivating unresolved mourning, bringing grief back to the surface. This can be especially isolating when surrounded by cultural expectations of celebration and togetherness. It’s as though the holidays shine a spotlight on the contrast between external festivities and the internal weight of sorrow.
Christmas Town, Artist Unknown
The commercialization and sentimentality of the season can also leave people feeling disconnected. For those who find little meaning in the modern trappings of the holidays, this disconnect can lead to a sense of emptiness or even cynicism. Psychodynamically, this can be understood as the tension between the persona—the image we project to the world—and the shadow—the parts of ourselves we’d rather not face. The season’s bright lights and cheerful ads often mask the deeper, darker feelings that lie beneath, creating an unsettling dissonance.
Yet, the holidays can also be a time of reflection and renewal, symbolizing the psychological process of growth through discomfort. Facing the pain, loneliness, or disillusionment that may arise during the season isn’t easy, but it offers a chance to better understand ourselves and heal. Psychodynamically, this time of year invites us to confront the shadow aspects of our lives, making space for new hope and transformation. For those willing to look inward, the holidays can be about more than just surviving—they can be about finding deeper meaning and emotional renewal.