Improve your Mental Health with Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Self-care and self-compassion have become such trendy buzzwords in recent years that their actual meanings have become watered down. For example, during stressful times, people often say, practice self-care without really understanding its true significance. Similarly, most of us know that self-compassion is important, but we don’t necessarily know how to implement it in daily life. 

Understanding Self-Care

(without the clichés) 

When you think about self-care, what actually comes to mind? Maybe you think about luxurious spa days or long weekends lounging at the pool. While these relaxing activities can certainly fit within the paradigm of self-care, true self-care practices tend to be far more nuanced and complex.

At its core, self-care refers to how you intentionally engage in making decisions that promote both short-term and long-term wellness. Self-care isn’t always fun or pleasurable. At times, self-care may come in the form of really challenging decisions, including:

• Choosing to wake up earlier to exercise because you value your physical health even though you also love the luxury of sleeping in.
• Setting boundaries with a loved one, even if it makes you feel guilty because you are starting to resent how much time you devote to taking care of them.
• Opting to do your laundry now even though you’d rather relax on the couch because you hate how it feels when your dirty clothes start piling up.
• Engaging in regular mindfulness practices because they make you feel regulated even if it’s “much easier” to just stay distracted instead of deliberately choosing to stay present 

In other words, self-care is about prioritizing your physical, emotional, financial, and spiritual well-being. When you create space for self-care, you create more space for self-love, self-worth, and self-acceptance. 

How Self-Compassion Connects to Self-Care

Self-compassion refers to the practice of treating yourself with self-kindness and acceptance. Psychologist and researcher, Dr. Kristin Neff shares how self-compassion includes three components:⁽¹⁾

Self-kindness: Self-kindness refers to being gentle and loving toward yourself, particularly during difficult times. In other words, how would you treat a friend if they were struggling with a particular hardship? Chances are, you’d be far more tolerant and kind to them than you might be toward yourself. 

Mindfulness: Mindfulness refers to being aware of your own negative thoughts or feelings without letting them control you. The more you can lean into mindfulness, the more likely you are to tolerate stress well. 

Shared common humanity: Neff talks about the idea of leaning on the shared human experience to remind yourself that you’re never all that alone. Pain and suffering are universal parts of the human condition.

If you’re curious about how well you practice self-compassion, consider completing the self-compassion scale, a brief assessment that allows you to reflect on how well you implement inward compassionate care.⁽²⁾ 

Why Self-Compassion Matters 

Nonexistent or even lower levels of self-compassion may negatively impact your mental and physical health. Likewise, self-compassion and self-care intersect; the more you choose to be kind to yourself, the easier it is to decide which self-care activities are most rejuvenating and supportive of your overall wellness.

Strengthens resilience: Life unquestionably gets hard, but self-compassion offers a grounding baseline for practicing healthy emotional regulation and tending to your inner critic during adverse times. Ideally, this allows you to handle difficult circumstances more gracefully and intentionally. 

Reduces negative mental health symptoms: Depression, anxiety, and PTSD often correlate with lower levels of self-compassion. This becomes a bidirectional problem- if you don’t feel good about yourself, you may experience more mental health symptoms. Research shows that self-compassion may decrease cortisol levels (which coincide with stress) and increase oxytocin hormones (which coincide with feelings of pleasure and connectivity).⁽³⁾

Enhances interpersonal relationships: Self-compassionate people may have healthier and more satisfying relationships. When you accept yourself for who you are, you may be more inclined to accept others for who they are. You may also be more apt to set healthy boundaries, protecting you from compassion fatigue, burnout, or resentment. These are all supportive measures toward strengthening your relationships. 

Fosters personal growth: Self-compassion has nothing to do with changing your external circumstances or even striving for self-improvement. It’s just about embracing who you are, learning from your mistakes, and prioritizing your emotional well-being. 

Practical Tips for Embracing More Self-Care and Self-Compassion

Nobody has to “earn” self-care or self-compassion. You deserve to prioritize these concepts regardless of what’s happening in your life. In fact, the more you take care of yourself, the more manageable things outside of you may actually feel.

Here are some gentle reminders to consider: 

Prioritize more mindfulness: Building a personal practice dedicated to mindfulness is one of the best ways to cultivate self-care and self-compassion. Unlike other activities, mindfulness is free and doesn’t require any additional resources or time. You can get started with guided meditations or simply dedicate a few minutes each day to taking a few deep, intentional breaths. 

Talk to yourself more gently: Negative self-talk can have such insidious effects on your mental well-being. The next time you start emotionally berating yourself, pause. Take a deep breath. Then ask, what would I tell a good friend going through this experience right now? At first, this strategy may feel awkward or even ineffective. That’s to be expected. But the gentler you can be with yourself, the more habitual it will feel to practice self-kindness.

Focus on what makes you feel fulfilled: Happiness is an inside job, but you know yourself better than anyone else. As you think about which self-care practices to incorporate in your daily life, ask yourself, What am I doing when I’m in my best self? Or, How does the best version of myself take care of myself? These answers should help you refine your focus.

Seek professional support: Many mental health issues make it challenging to implement self-care or self-compassion. A therapist can help you better understand and manage difficult emotions, and they can act as an ally in your personal growth journey. 

Final Thoughts 

Although themes of self-care and self-compassion now feel somewhat cliched, they still hold significant merit. You deserve to feel good about yourself. You also deserve to honor your inherent worth. If these concepts feel elusive to you- or if you’re struggling to implement them in your daily life- consider seeking professional guidance. 

References

1. Neff, K. D. (2023). Self-Compassion: Theory, Method, Research, and Intervention. Annual Review of Psychology. Retrieved from: https://www.annualreviews.org/content/journals/10.1146/annurev-psych-032420-031047. 
2. Neff, K. D. Self-Compassion Scale (SCS). The University of Texas at Austin: Educational Psychology College of Education. Retrieved from: https://self-compassion.org/wp-content/uploads/2021/03/SCS-information.pdf. 
3. Maynard, K. Self-Compassion: Improve Your Well-Being and Quiet Your Inner Critic. University of Rochester Medical Center. Retrieved from: https://www.urmc.rochester.edu/behavioral-health-partners/bhp-blog/june-2023/self-compassion-improve-your-well-being-and-quiet.aspx.